Monday, April 20, 2015

In My Present State of Mind

This poem was written in what could be considered my most depressed period,  it was that which preceded a series of terrible decisions, and is reflective of the mindset which contributed to the aforementioned terrible decisions.

In my present state of mind
I tend to find
That all I have been wanting is for naught
And for all of my endeavors, I have wrought nothing
Nothing but the endless spurs off pained regret
Piercing my mind
Scorching my soul
Flushing my whole existence down a bottomless drain
Yet I refrain from giving in
To let my heart be washed again
I feel as though there may be something
More than just the one thing now
That holds me back and pulls me down
I fear
I cry
I thrash
I sit and wonder, “Why am I?”
I wonder what sins have I transgressed
To make my life so quickly progress
Towards its unforgiving ends
Towards the wall that never bends
And never breaks
And never aches as thousands of useless corpses thrash against it in the endless night
Alone in the dark I pray for light

I am surrounded by a sea of people

There, voices so familiar
Their smells, their touch, their very taste
But I am alone, and such a waste
As their visages escape me
Darkness is around me
Future, past and present are completely academic
As the time is standing still in this sea of blackened panic
And I've lost my living will
And in spurts I find me manic

All I've known and all I've loved

Is naught but cheap veneered facade
I have not loved
I have not known
I've only shown the world an image of what emotion should be seen as
But to feel what others talk of is beyond the metal stock of one who's born without a soul.

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